After I divulged how much I suck at Halloween and shared my lazy approach to fall decorating, I just knew I couldn’t let Thanksgiving pass by without any effort on my part. I mean, “I Suck at Thanksgiving” would have been a little too lazy, right?
To be fair… I suck at Thanksgiving.
Our first Thanksgiving together, I was filled with delusions of domestic prowess. I was going to make the perfect Thanksgiving dinner from scratch – turkey, stuffing, sides, and a homemade pecan pie. In fact, we were going to be hosting Thanksgiving dinner for another couple we knew. My
naïveté ambition knew no bounds.
Well. The turkey was in the oven, the pie was in the works, and the phone rang… Our friends weren’t coming due to a crazy house fire (thankfully, everyone was fine). So it would just be the two of us sitting down to eat a huge turkey, mountains of food, and a whole homemade pecan pie.
But that stupid pie would not set. Halves of overpriced pecans floated tauntingly on the surface of a gooey center that just refused to solidify. I may have cried, but I pressed on.
There was still the turkey – beautiful, golden brown – and it smelled divine. I even made gravy. Successfully.
We sat down to eat, carving slices off the turkey as we went.
The slices slowly became more and more pink the deeper we carved.
Worried, we hacked further into the beast and discovered that the center was completely raw, despite the meat thermometer promising otherwise when the turkey was initially pronounced “done”.
Then came the nausea…
Hours later, tired, discouraged, still a little queasy, yet extremely hungry, we made our way to a nearby steakhouse for our belated Thanksgiving dinner.
And ever since, our Thanksgiving tradition has been to treat ourselves to a really nice meal at a favorite restaurant and be thankful that we don’t have food poisoning.
So please enjoy this Thanksgiving table setting I pulled together, but I just have to be frank: no turkey or cranberry sauce will be consumed at the place-settings you see. Instead, they’ll just be awkwardly set for days as if four people are about to sit down and enjoy a well-cooked family meal. It’s called staging, right? Martha Stewart would be proud.
I used an old pale aqua paisley duvet cover as a tablecloth over it I layered a colorful table runner that I sewed from a thrifted pillowcase. Bed linens = table linens in my book.
The colors in the fabrics just so happened to tie in perfectly with my thrift-store plates and Target-clearance mercury glass candlesticks. That is to say: I definitely tend to shop within a certain color palette. I wanted to keep it from being *too* pastel though, so I brought it some orange with my crafty pumpkins…
Did you see that? I gold-leafed the stems of those cheapo faux gourds! Gilding the pumpkin. Me and gold leaf are best friends for life now. Nothing is safe. Nothing is sacred…
Also, glitter. I got some glitter going up in this party:
This is a very detailed process, so pay close attention, and – you may want to take notes:
Step 1: Open your front door.
Step 2: Note pile of leaves amassed in your front flower bed.
Step 3: Speculate that responsible home-owners probably don’t let so many leaves pile up everywhere.
Step 4: Pick up a few of said leaves. Extra credit: choose based on most appealing shapes and sizes.
Step 5: Dig out craft supplies – glue and that huge boxed set of Martha Stewart glitter you never want to use because it’s too pretty, and how many things can you glitter before it’s considered a health-hazard? But seriously, you have like 10 pounds of glitter just sitting around, so just use some already!
Step 6: Brush glue onto top of each leaf. (You will also need a paintbrush for this step. I’m sorry I forgot to mention this in step 5.)
Step 7: Cover it in glitter. All the glitter. When you think there’s enough glitter, ADD MORE GLITTER.
You just took a leaf and put glitter on it. You should host a show on HGTV.
You guys, it was like I was on crafting crack yesterday. See those napkins? Yep, I made those too. A little fabric, a little heat-n-bond, a little quality time with an ironing board and my friends from the Fringe Division…
In just a few short hours I feel like I did penance for all my past craft-neglect AND squirreled some crafting bonus points away for the future.
Oh, it’s not even over yet.
I put some dead leaves on a string.
I love it.
Thanksgiving = a holiday where you can go pick dead stuff up out of your yard and call it decorations. Viva la Thanksgiving!
So who wants to come over for Thanksgiving dinner? We’ll admire my pretty table, sip a fall cocktail, and then head out to eat 😉
Pinky-swear-promise that if you get food poisoning, it won’t be my fault.